Turning 50!
Reflections on life, my photography, and my hopes for the future of Nicole Mills Photography.
The time has come. There’s no more denying it…I’m turning 50. HALF a century. The number seems a little foreign to me, but actually I’m not at all ashamed of, or intent on hiding my age. It IS just a number, after all. I’m guessing it’s what the number represents that scares us (or, maybe just me??). The number certainly causes me to stop and reflect on my life so far. Am I where I thought I’d be by this age? Have I tackled my list of things to do in life? Am I gaining?? So many questions…so many things to reflect on.
Wow…right as I’m writing this, Landslide came on…how appropriate a song at this moment!
“Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
'Til the landslide brought me down
Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?”
Excellent questions, Stevie…excellent questions.
The road I took to get to where I am today was definitely a winding one. No straight roads for me, it seems…ever. I’ve taken detours and stopped to chat with squirrels along the way (If you know me, you know I do love animals). But, here I am, at 50’s doorstep. Pretty damn happy with where I’m at, even if I do wish I’d gotten here a bit sooner (40…oh, it seems like just yesterday!).
The short version of my first 49.75 years is this…moved countless times in life, have lived in both MI & MN twice, spent 7 years getting my bachelor’s degree because I changed majors three times, and while I ended up with a teaching degree, I only taught for about two years before giving it up (I realized that I did NOT enjoy children in large quantities). Clock watching became a favorite pass time, so realized teaching young children was not for me. Next came working for an appraisal company, which led me to house flipping. LOVED it, and still would flip, if I had the $$$ to do more (I’m convinced, though, that HGTV has ruined flipping for the true old home lovers, such as me…but that’s an entirely different subject, so…). House flipping led me to real estate. I’ve been licensed since 2001, and have had my own company since 2007. I probably would have just stayed in this lane, but in 2010, I had a BABY. And you know…I had to capture EVERY moment of her life in pictures, so I quickly invested in a slightly better point and shoot camera and photographed her Every. Waking. Moment. :)
When someone asks how long I’ve been a photographer, I usually say, “forever,” because I remember using my little point and shoot film camera as a kid. I took one black and white photography class in college, and that’s when I learned to develop film (you young ones reading this, “film…what’s that???”). After that class, it was back to a point and shoot until a good friend of mine said, “Hey, you seem to have an eye for this…you should really get a decent camera.” OK. So, off to the camera store I went and came home with a Canon Rebel and a few lenses…and a really cool bag to keep it in.
Now…when someone asks how long I’ve been a “professional” photographer, I usually say, “well, I stopped turning people orange about 6-7 years ago.” I would say that’s when my photography started being worthy of a small fee. We all have to start somewhere, and so I did! And now, all these years later, I have a studio with my logo on the door. And thankfully, every year…more and more clients walk through that door. For this, I’m so grateful. You just truly can’t even know how grateful I am…unless you’re also an artist, trying to make a living with your art. If you are…then you’re my sister or brother, and you get ME. It’s not easy. Enough said about that. Being a real estate broker is the less daunting road to travel, for sure, but I can’t NOT continue my photography journey. So for now, I’m doing both.
Getting back to Stevie’s lyrics…
“Climbed a mountain and I turned around…” Hmm…I don’t know that I can say I’ve climbed any mountains, figuratively or literally. I’ve had hills to tackle in life, sure. I’ve gotten over some…around some…and just turned a blind eye to others. I’ve never been one to make really lofty goals, so I can’t say I’ve created huge mountains for myself to climb. I’m not really a planner, I’m afraid…and mountain climbing takes planning! If you’re smart, anyway. Mountains can look deceptively small, until you get really close…then wow…you look up towards that peak, and all of a sudden you realize you might have wanted to pack some more gear for the hike to the top. That’s kinda me in a nutshell. I’m not extremely proud to admit that, but I’m here to be honest, not perfect. Maybe my next 50 years (which I hope to have) will include a few mountains I’ll be much more inclined to climb, after having gained so much wisdom (or gear) from my first 50 years!
“Can I sail through the changin’ ocean tides?” Good question, Stevie! My answer is…I think I’ve done ok, but maybe I haven’t hit any of the really crazy tides yet. I don’t like to compare my ocean tides to those of anyone else because, you know…we’ve all got different boats, and we’re all in different parts of the ocean. Some are kicking back on yachts enjoying their view, and some are plugging holes in their row boat as fast as they can before another wave hits and they sink. Sometimes, I feel like i’m on a used, slightly dated yacht that occasionally springs a leak…and other times, I’m in a glammed up row boat, complete with shabby chic pillows and a cute umbrella to hold for when it rains. Both are pretty decent rides and are keeping me afloat, so again…I’m sailing through…and most days, I’m feeling blessed with the boat I’m in. We’ll see how I’m feeling when the tides get really rough. Steady as she goes!
Finally, Stevie asks…”Can I handle the seasons of my life?” Damn this woman and her introspective questions! ;) Again…I think I’ve done ok. Not always with grace, and not always without whining, but I’ve managed so far to handle what’s been handed out. My teens were spent not liking my body and feeling self-conscience about e.v.e.r.y little .t.h.i.n.g. Standing up in public to speak came as a close 2nd to the idea of death by firing squad. My 20s…spent most of them in college, changing majors, working as a waitress, and having a little too much fun after hours. I was depressed, though. For the most part, I kept a smile on my face, but I was struggling. Finally got some much needed help and soon 30 was knocking on my door. My 30s…this was when life kicked into a higher gear. A new career in real estate, a big move from MI to MN, and then there was Shane. This is when I feel as if my “now” life started.
Shane is my hubs…for ten years now. Wow..the man has earned the title, “Saint Shane” ‘cause I don’t imagine I’m easy to live with…right babe? (Assuming he’ll be reading this.) Honestly…somebody give this guy a medal. We started dating in 2005. In 2010, we married and just a few months later…Phoebe joined us. I could NOT imagine a better father or husband, to be honest. I mean…he is a guy…and I’m a girl…so there are some differences between us that will forever drive the other crazy, but that’s natural…right? :) Being a mom…well, I could go on and on about that. It’s the BEST, and occasionally…a pain in the arse. (Just keeping it real) We’re a family of three, and I’m so thankful for what we have together. We’ve recently moved to my dream home in the country and we’ve added a bunch of chickens (along with the dog & two cats) to our family dynamic.
So, I sailed right into my 40s with a new husband & the most precious baby on earth (biased, I know). We spent the next years watching and enjoying her every move, giggle and smile, and slapping band-aids on the inevitable scrapes that come with childhood. And BAM, just like that, my 40s are almost a memory! What the hell?? I blame it on the kid. “The days are long, but the years are short.” There’s never been a truer statement about parenting, if you ask me. I remember sitting in the comfy chair, breast feeding her, and I’d stare at her little face, trying to memorize every little detail. I was so amazed that I was a mother. ME! It was so surreal to me. I was 30 before I could even imagine having a child. I was 35 before I could say the words, “I maybe, someday, might want one.” And I was almost 39 when I looked at Shane and said, “I want to have a baby.” And now…that baby just turned 10 and I’m staring at 50 in a few months. Ugh..why is there suddenly a lump in my throat? Be right back…going to get some water to clear that nasty bugger.
I’m looking forward to more seasons of my life…trying to be optimistic that I have more seasons. My father died of brain cancer at 53, so that’s always hanging in the back of my mind. And just last week, I lost a friend to brain cancer at age 55. The “C” word scares me to death, I won’t lie. But..back to seasons of life! There is still much I want out of this life of mine. I want to see my daughter grow up, and become a successful something (she promised me, at age 2, that whatever she chose to do…it would provide for a pool house out back of her home, where her mom & dad, also known as grandma & grandpa, could live, while they spend their days watching the grand kids swim in the pool). I want my hubs and I to be able to travel more…whether it be over seas, or just tooling around the great 48 in an RV.
Also…and this is a VERY important ALSO… I want to continue building my photography business so I can do what I can to help ALL girls & women see their own beauty through the photography experience and the images we create together. I truly love nothing more than seeing the light that comes into the eyes of a girl/woman when she FEELS her own beauty…and then sees it in her images. I spent too many years feeling less than beautiful, and at times, I still struggle (again, no lies.) But, having reached a “mature” age, I can say I’m much less worried about how I look than how I FEEL. I actually think those laugh lines around my eyes look good…shows I have a good sense of humor. I do…I love to laugh. It’s so good for me. I stopped coloring my hair over a year ago, hoping I was a silver fox under all those highlights. Turns out, I’m not…but the grey I do have keeps me from being carded at the liquor store…because isn’t that annoying?? (See? Sense of humor) I’m still not in love with the size of my thighs, but we’ve learned to get along. I don’t berate myself over crap that just isn’t important…ok, well, not as much as I used to, for sure. I need to be healthy and feel good about myself and the person I am. I don’t need to be a size 8, and impress those around me. I need to be able to focus on what I’m doing well and do more of that, and forgive myself for all the other crap. Can I get an “Amen?” :)
So, here I am. On the precipice of 50…a milestone birthday, for sure. I still enjoy a bowl of macaroni & cheese (shut-up thighs), and I DO drop F-bombs occasionally (I try to refrain around the kid, but we all know when she starts swearing like a sailor…well, she got that from me). I also still enjoy my favorite college drink (Malibu & cranberry) or some type of sweet wine. I like being with friends, but I also VERY much enjoy my alone time. Truly…being under house arrest these past few months (thanks Covid) hasn’t been nearly as difficult for me as I’m sure it’s been for most. This year has been one for the history books, for sure, but I’m hoping and yes, even praying (even though I have no religious affiliation) that we humans stop hurting each other and focus on creating and nurturing the good. Oh…I also LOVE 70’s folk type music…think James Taylor, Judy Collins, Bread, Bill Withers, America, etc. I REFUSE to be ashamed of that (any longer!) By the by…a very good friend of mine once told me I was going to make a really good old person. You know why?? She said I already liked their music and enjoyed their activities (I enjoy doing puzzles and playing cards!). Ha…she may be right! I HAVE always gotten along well with older generations.
I’m in this for the long haul…this crazy thing called life. If you’re reading this, I want to say thanks for joining me here. I hope you’re scaling your own mountain peaks, navigating those ocean tides with ease, and appreciating the seasons of your life.
If you haven’t already been in front of my camera, I hope you’ll be there one day. Soon.
Nicole
Nicole Mills Photography specializes in photographing girls and women of all ages. If you live in SE Minnesota and are looking for a photographer that is dedicated to her craft and will provide you the most amazing portraits you've ever seen of yourself, then please get in touch with Nicole Mills Photography to schedule your complimentary consultation.
Located in downtown Pine Island, the Nicole Mills Photography studio offers everything you need to make your portrait experience one to remember forever. You'll find a full studio wardrobe to choose from, including beautiful gowns, casual separates, and even unique, custom designs created by Nicole for a one-of-a-kind portrait you and your family will treasure forever.
Nicole Mills Photography offers fully stylized sessions both in her Pine Island studio and outdoors in Rochester, MN and surrounding areas. Whether you're looking for senior photographs, maternity, business head shots, or simply some beautiful images of you and/or your family, Nicole Mills Photography provides unparalleled service, quality of work, and unique artwork you'll want to hand down for generations to come.
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